Robin Clark | Bay Area Coach & Photographer for Women » Coach & Photographer for Women

Want Connection? Take People Out of the Boxes You’ve Put Them In


You’re not who you were a year ago. You’re likely not who you were a week ago!

So much happens everyday. Unexpected connections open doors to new worlds of opportunity. Challenges motivate you to try new approaches that eventually become your norm. Conversations can completely change how you see things. A moment of kindness opens you up and reminds you to choose love.

Suffice to say, your everyday experiences alter you. Rearrange you. Expand you.

As much as we habitually hold onto a story about who we are, the truth is…

Self is a dynamic, not a static, thing. 

You’re wildly more flexible than you usually fathom. Only you can look back to who you were, see who you’ve become, and witness the profound changes and expansions that confirm just how evolutionary you are.

This is the case for everyone you know as well.

So those boxes you’ve put people in — that you think help you understand who they are, who you are in relation to them, and how you should interact with them… are all outdated. Even if you made them last week. They’re still irrelevant.


Making it a practice to radically accept people is key to our success in truly seeing and appreciating others.

In addition, we also need to practice letting go of our character stories about others we made up who knows when to describe who they are now. We will never actually see, let alone connect with, the people in our lives if we keep trying to fit them into boxes we made for them in the past… because they are no longer that person! (And, in all likelihood, they were never that person, no matter how much we believed our story about them was correct.)

My invitation is this: 

Decide to stop using the past as a reference point for how to relate to others now. Instead, step into interactions – especially with those you’ve known a long time – with an open mind and heart, meet who they are now, and show them who you have become.

Yes this is vulnerable. Yes this is mysterious. Yes this can feel awkward.

But if you go into interactions armored with beliefs and expectations about who others are, who you’re supposed to be, and how you’re supposed to relate to each other, you’ll drag the past into the present and hinder your ability to genuinely connect in the here and now… which is the precise experience you’re seeking by spending time with those you love.

For those of you who just heard an inner fear alarm go off saying you’ll abandon yourself, make bad choices, or just generally eff things up if you go into interactions without the scripts and understandings of the past, I want to say this:

When you are grounded in yourself. When you are listening to your intuition, gut reactions, and honoring your discernment. When you act from center… You can trust yourself. Always. Don’t feed into fear.

Choose love.

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