“Five years ago I went through a devastating loss of a relationship with a man who I thought, at the time, was someone I would be with for the duration. This relationship was THE pivot point in my life when I realized that if I don’t figure this out I would continue to repeat the cycle for the rest of my life.
Needless to say, I was well aware I had some work to do and the desire in me for change was so great that I knew I had to do whatever it took. And, I knew it was going to be profoundly uncomfortable but it had to be done.
So one day I was walking through Whole Foods devastated and broken and I look up to see Robin’s flyer on the wall. I grabbed her phone number, stuck it in my pocket and forgot about it. Walking around broken became the story of my life and I told it to anyone who would listen, I was a classic victim. There was no way I was responsible for ANY of this!
I have always considered myself a pretty self aware and spiritual person but I was self aware in a way that served me and only me at the time. As long as the self awareness fit into my box of how things were supposed to be than I was good to go. And nobody was allowed to tell me any different!
About two weeks later, walking through Whole Foods again I happened to glance at the board and there was Robin’s flyer again, beckoning me. That day I finally picked up the phone and called her knowing I was ready and this was going to be the moment. Little did I know I was going to go through the most intense, rigorous, ego dominated unveiling I had ever imagined. This was THE thing that was going to define my life in a way I couldn’t even wrap my mind around at the time.
I had NO IDEA how many limiting beliefs I had and how those beliefs combined with ego, were dominating every decision I ever made. I took pride in how much of a victim of these circumstances I was at the time. I could justify every bad thing that happened to me with a very long story of how life was just against me.
Well, meeting with Robin was the biggest wake up call of my life.
She held up a mirror in front of my face that was, by far, the hardest reflection to look at. I did not like the person staring back at me. In fact, I couldn’t stand her. She was wounded and desperately needed healing. So, I took the bull by the horns and dove in with every ounce of my spirit. It was like crawling through quicksand and I fought tooth and nail every step of the way. My journey back to myself was grueling, intense, profound, dark and extraordinarily beautiful.
The bottom line was this:
I was existing in the world with this program that permeates our culture, especially women, that I was not good enough and not worthy. I was attracting every person, place and circumstance in my life to help me believe that this belief was true. That it owned me.
I allowed myself to be treated with disrespect from men, friends and those closest to me. I compared myself to every woman around me, put them on pedestals and always believed I was less than. This was a hard pill to swallow but I eventually GOT IT…
I was responsible for the ENTIRE experience.
This realization allowed me to let go of years of pain and suffering. And, I never would have done this if it weren’t for Robin, she literally taught me how to save my own life.
Fast forward five years later, my life is absolutely amazing. I am happier than I have ever been and I got to reconnect with this beautiful soul named Robin.
The photo shoot was profound for many reasons.
First, I was Robin’s equal. I never imagined I would feel this way about myself. I was able to really SEE her and she me. My intentions in creating this shoot was one of reverence and sacredness, which is now the dominating theme in my life. I do healing work very similar to what Robin did for me and, had I not gone through what I did, I would never be able to do this work.
Second, I got to see and feel this profound connection I have to nature and my own essence. I got to really see myself through these photos and how much I’ve stepped into the truth of who I am.
And third, I am now able to communicate my truth through these photos so that others who are seeking may find that truth within themselves.
To say I am grateful does not do this justice. Words are so limiting to describe the great depth of what I feel. In the Huni Kuin tribe of the Amazon there is an expression called Haux (pronounced haush) and, similar to the movie Avatar, it means “I See you, I honor you, I know you at your essence.”
So, my dear Robin, Haux Haux my beautiful sister on this amazing journey of life, I bow to you.
And lastly, my favorite quote by Viktor Frankl:
‘In order to give light, one must endure burning.’
We all must venture into the dark in order to become whole, there is no other way.”