Me last night on the beach in Santa Monica at the end of a photo shoot
I’m writing you from LA today where I’ve been for a couple days doing some photography work. Last night after a great photo shoot that happened half in Topanga and half on the beach in Santa Monica, I went to Whole Foods to get dinner and found myself chatting it up. When asked “What do you do?”, my reply was, “I’m a photographer.”
Every time that comes out of my mouth I feel like someone else is saying it. Or that I’m making something up. Me? A photographer? Why yes… I guess am. I was feeling the reverberations of this saying the truth but feeling shy about it moment ringing inside me like a bell as I walked across the parking lot, and suddenly it struck me:
This is the feeling of evolution.
Fresh. A bit vulnerable. Like a snake skin peeling itself all the way off and the new skin getting used to now being the outer layer.
In 2002 following the death of a friend, my aunt made an appointment for me to see a medium thinking that the experience would be healing. I hadn’t been to a medium before but my aunt said of all the ones she’d been to this woman was the best. So I drove myself to the outskirts of Denver and had an amazing session with Deb Sheppard (who, to this day, is one of the best channelers I’ve met with). She said many things that moved me, but one of them was that I was going to eventually do work like she did, but in my own way. I thought she was crazy but time revealed that she was right. She also said I was someone who would do many things in my life and that they would all weave together, even if it wasn’t always immediately clear, and to stay focused and go with it.
My life, prior and since meeting with her, has been defined by moves and seeming leaps of evolution. My family moved a lot when I was a kid. In my 20s I went through several major transformations and came to enjoy the intensity of these fiery changes because it made me feel alive. After enough years of this, I decided I didn’t need to be shook and rattled to feel engaged in life. Instead I wanted to flow with life with more grace, read the signs sooner so life wouldn’t have to shout to get my attention, and have everything be calmer.
But the changes and tides of evolution didn’t stop happening just because I decided to take on a more chilled out approach. Life’s changes and unfolding have kept coming as that’s just what life does… especially when you follow your muse’s inspiration. But what I have learned, and am still learning, is to move with these changes in a way that goes with the flow and builds upon what’s already there, instead of being impulsive and destroying what’s been there in order to move into the new.
So last night in the Whole Foods parking lot it suddenly hit me – I’ve come around another corner. Expanded into another expression. Not just trying something on, but have moved into it. Isn’t it funny how delayed we can be in catching up with where we’re actually at? Like our feet are five steps ahead of our self concept. And then suddenly in a random moment – WHAM – we catch up to ourselves and see who we’ve become.
Tying another knot in the tapestry,